Fertility problems can occur for several reasons in both males and females. The emotional horror of not being able to conceive or carry a baby to full term is traumatic for any couple. Depending on the reason for infertility, couples who are looking into different options have to decide whether they need hormone treatments, natural alternatives, find an egg or sperm donor, have artificial insemination, and, if the treatments hadn’t been successful, to consider surrogacy, or last but not least, opt for adoption. For those who feel it’s right for them, adopting a child might be a smoother method than undergoing the excruciating pains of being probed, injected and continuously tested during fertility treatments. Adoption, however, comes with its own set of thoughts, worries, and difficult questions to ponder.
ARE YOU WILLING TO RAISE ANOTHER’S CHILD?
Although it’s become a trend in Hollywood, raising another couple’s child has many reservations. Parenting a child whose genes are not your own can cause a slight distress. Since a person is made of the interaction of both biology and environment, the age old question of nature versus nurture remains. So before opting for adoption, just ask yourself and answer honestly: are you really and forever ready to become parents to another’s child?
WHAT GENETIC TRAITS WOULD THEY CARRY?
It is virtually impossible to fully ever know the history of those whose child you decide to adopt, even if a full background check is given. Therefore, it’s difficult to predict what genetic traits your adopted child might carry. As the science of epigenetics is revealing, every event a person goes through can modify their genes to bring out and tone down the expression of different traits in their offspring. Then, the behavior, diet, and emotional situation of the birth mother can influence the development of her fetus, which might eventually show up years into their raising. You might actually do a great job at raising your child with utter love and affection, and often adopted children grow into well balanced and healthy individuals. However, there are some traits such as aggression or alcoholism that might be expressed within them due to their genetic makeup, and no matter how much you try to refine and polish their character while raising them, these tendencies might surface in their teenage years. This might cause you major anguish and distress in the future. Are you willing to risk it?
WHAT ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR BIOLOGICAL PARENTS
Would you be alright with communication, interaction and bonding between your child and their biological parents? This is a huge issue. It can bring up insecurities about the strength of the bond between you and your child. Yet, if your child decides that this is what they want, would you be able to say no, and explain authentically what your concerns are?
WOULD YOU ACCEPT THEM THE WAY THEY ARE?
It is vital to be flexible and adaptive to your child’s capabilities and needs. If your child doesn’t turn out to be like you on any level, can you handle it? Nurturing them will not cover everything. If biological factors become apparent later in their life on the mental or emotional levels, being a true parent is being able to always understand and love them no matter what. Can you do that?
WILL YOU BE ABLE TO TELL THEM?
It’s usually up to the adoptive parents to choose how and when to discuss the truth about the adoption with their child. Discovering such a fact can be quite traumatic for them. Somehow though, adopted children can have the unconscious knowledge and a deep sense of doubt about their biological connection with their parents. This is why being open about the subject from the very beginning can be the best way to go. In addition, some adoptive parents find the lack of biological connection difficult to admit, which is quite understandable. But, without honesty and ease of communication between you and your child, your relationship with them will forever be disrupted.
DEALING WITH YOUR UNRESOLVED ISSUES
This goes for biological parents as much as it does for adoptive parents. However, the mere idea that you don’t share close genetic ties can play on a deeper level of your unconscious. Thoughts and behaviors towards an adopted child may actually differ from those you would display towards your biological child. It is therefore important to work through any personal unresolved issues you may have before taking action to adopt. Are you prepared to look deep inside yourself, maybe with the help of a psychologist, to find and resolve those underlying obstacles? ( By: Emma Darwiche from www.mystera-magazine.com )