THE MANLY ART OF SEDUCTION by Perry Brass

Publisher: Belhue Press. Publication Date: Nov. 4, 2009. Pages: 225. Price: $16.95. Format: Trade Paperback Original. ISBN-13: 978-1-892-149-060

ith a beefcake cover of a hot guy lying naked on the floor, Perry Brass’ new self-help book, The Manly Art of Seduction, has an unfortunate title.The cover alone would lead one to believe this tome is directed at how to get a guy into bed. While that is a natural direction for seduction to end with, this book is more about how to do everything before that. In other words: how do I get a date and move it forward into intimacy, both emotional and sexual?  In no-nonsense language and a conversational tone, Brass explains that a seducer is someone who wants to meet and connect with another person, not about someone simply looking to make sexual overtures. Therefore, he begins the journey of seduction by discussing our “Self Myth.” His distinction here is that a myth is a story we use to explain basic truths that cannot be explained literally, such as “how did we arrive in our places in the world?” This is a solid foundation to begin with because it makes the reader look at who they really are before they start sharing that person with someone else. Brass ends each of his short 46 chapters with “Work For You” to do, and in this chapter he requests that you look at your lifeand determine how positive it has been and how positive you can make it. This establishes where you want to go with your seduction so that any interaction you have in the future is based on something affirming. As Brass leads you on your way to making your first approach to someone you find interesting, he brings up one of the better of his creations: Valor. Not that he created valor himself, but the importance of valour in being a seducer. Brass explains that the term comes from the French word for “value” and means “to be strong.” What he asks is that you have valor as you make your first move of seduction. This is a big challenge for many men, as the fear of rejection looms great over the gay community, as is true of any community. Brass’s next chapters all deal with that first meeting: how to approach someone, icebreakers, how to share what excites you, as well as the concept of giving Unbidden Gifts. These gifts can be in the form of a compliment or even in asking the guy if you can buy him a beer. It is done without expectation of anything in return, and is a way to invite closeness without the other person feeling threatened. Brass goes on to give advice on what to speak about (too many self-revelations is a big no-no), questions to ask, and how to offer physical indications of your interest without making the other man feel, again, threatened. Space becomes a big concern when broaching the topic of touch and intimacy. Some men might react coldly or with trepidation, while others might react warmly. Brass suggests that just because a man doesn’t return a moment of intimacy (a casual touch on the arm for example,) does not mean they aren’t interested. We don’t know what their own self-myth is, so we don’t know what hang-ups, nervousness, or boundaries exist. This does not mean a “seducer” shouldn’t be aware of body language that might be telling you to stay away, but what Brass touches on again and again is that we are complex creatures, and just because we might react a certain way doesn’t mean someone else will react just as we would. This is incredibly helpful advice in a world where people want to whittle everything down to something black and white. The world isn’t that way, and Brass makes us look at things in the range of colors they exist in. This is one of the best aspects about The Manly Art of Seduction, because the book gives great insight into the person you are seducing. Brass helps the reader understand the possible reactions a seducer might receive from the person they are trying to meet, and explains where those reactions might come from. In that, one of Brass’ most interesting talking points is the complication of “issues” versus “problems.” We all come with baggage, but Brass explains that when someone tells you they have “issues” (with physical affection, for example) this implies that they tiptoe around the problem instead of dealing with it. Someone who says they have a “problem” with something, on the other hand, knows that the problem can be “addressed, and solved.” This is an important note, because you could find yourself in a situation where his issue is going to become your problem. What’s nice about The Manly Art of Seduction is that it doesn’t just delve into approaching people in a public place, it also dives into the newer arena of Internet and phone dating, which is fast becoming the norm, especially for younger guys. There is a difference to seduction via these means, and Brass’ matter-of-factness on the do’s and don’ts of this impersonal new meeting ground are timely. Once the primary seduction has occurred and the first date is under way, Brass gives telling (and sometimes admittedly obvious) advice on grooming and dressing, as well as how to navigate dinner (and what might come after.) The subject of how to broach actual physical intimacy is explored in a refreshingly blunt way, answering almost any question that might be rolling around in your head as you read the book. Further chapters deal with seduction within a relationship, within monogamy, with more than one person, with straight or married men, as well as seduction of someone who is disabled, overweight, or of another class or race. Men with sexual dysfunction or smaller “endowments” are also areas of discussion. In other words, Brass covers all bases. Interestingly, this book is useful for more than just the initial seduction. For example, there are times within or outside a relationship where a partner can say something hurtful or start to get out of control. At such times, it will be necessary to take control back, in order to respect yourself within the situation. This can occur even during the initial seduction when someone may not appreciate your good-natured advances. A chapter entitled “The Jerk, the Snap, and the Whistle” offers helpful ways to stop verbal abuse when it occurs, and how to get back to more equal ground. Also of note are chapters on dealing with rejection as well as realizing when you need to reject him. (Ever approach someone only to realize, “Oh my, this guy is not for me?”) While the entire book is helpful, there are a few minor areas that some readers might not find resonant. The chapter Coming Up With The Right Proposition, which maneuvers around the scary waters of asking the guy out for the first time, offers a few suggestions that seemed a little old fashioned and potentially off-putting. However, that’s a minor quibble when there is a lot to take away from such a perceptive book. Probably the greatest gift Brass gives in his book are two concepts that breathe beneath everything that Brass writes: Vulnerability and Honesty. We live in an age where we are in fear of something. Whether it is rejection, revealing too much about ourselves, or not being the person we want someone else to see, this fear causes many men to hold back. It may come from a place of real hurt, but it’s a reality. And this is where the person that has been hurt needs to learn how to be vulnerable. To allow others to see the real person deep down inside: to see his interests, his hurts, his concerns, his desires, and his dreams. At the same time, the seducer needs to be vulnerable as well. To risk being hurt, to risk rejection, or to just be willing to open themselves up to a person who might be able to show them a world of new experiences and ideas.With Honesty, we are often afraid to be open about our feelings and about who we are. The Manly Art of Seduction underscores the art of the seduction by helping us to become truthful people: Real men that have real feelings and real truths that we want to share. What this book does is cut through all the bullshit by offering men a way to get to an honest place so that connection can be achieved. What Brass does so well is guide a man in how to get from the initial meeting all the way to the first date and beyond. But the brilliance of the book is that you can actually read it from the perspective of the person being seduced. The “seductee” can see just how open and vulnerable the person approaching them is being, and also see what types of responses they might end up getting back. The seductee might then see himself and begin to understand how his behavior might be affecting the situation. And in that, he might learn how to let down his own guard, and allow that connection to take place.