ONANIBICS: The Weight Loss By Masturbation

This is as old as the Internuts but this “masturbation diet” of wanking your way to weight loss deserves to be mentioned again. Onani (おなに) means to masturbate. “Bics” comes from aerobics so Onanibics means to masturbate while exercising. Now as if this wasn’t weird and hilarious enough, someone with a sicker mind than me created a tacky web site to explain the following: Strokin Masturbation Technique, Backhand Masturbation, Burning Thigh Masturbation, Stroke-A-Squat Masturbation, Double Barrel Masturbation, Masturcrunches Masturbation, and Ona-Hole Jogging Masturbation. Now that last one is a doozy if you imagine a naked guy running around whacking it. My only gripe is the site is worthless without videoclips. I’m surprised SOD has never created anything like it. Dr. Hideo Yamanaka, director of the Toranomon-Hibiya Clinic was interviewed in Weekly Playboy back in 2004 and here is what he had to say: “Ejaculation raises the basic metabolism of muscles and consumes calories. With fewer calories, subcutaneous fat is consumed, and making it easier to trim down. But, there’s no point in ordinary activity.

An ordinary young person would have to do it 100 more times a month for it to have any effect. This is like four or five times per day if you’re really serious. For each 2 kilos of body weight, you’d need to squeeze out 2 liters of semen. It’s hard enough just to spurt so often, but to get the full benefits of aerobic exercise, it’s necessary for the process to be maintained for at least 15 minutes before ejaculation occurs. We have named this activity Onanibics. Onani, a common Japanese term for masturbation refers to Onan, the Biblical figure who was destroyed for spilling his seed on the ground. Gomesu Yamada, a journalist covering the pink trade, claims he has knowledge of people who have actually managed to slim down through a regular regimen of Onanibics. Guys who made their motto, ‘At least one good tug a day’ have managed to lose as much as 4 kilograms in a week. Weekly Playboy lists the average pulse rates and calories consumed while combining masturbation with various forms of exercise. “Abdominal muscle onanism” (sit-ups), for example, if performed for 15 minutes, will consume 61 kilocalories; “back strength onanism” (reverse sit ups), just 22 kilocalories; push-ups, 95 kilocalories; deep knee squats, 89 kilocalories; pole climbing, 72 kilocalories; and so-called “Ona-hole jogging” (an activity obviously not for beginners), 204 kilocalories. A tubby 55-year-old writer named Koyamamyama, who tipped the scales at 100 kilograms, had an even better idea.

Deciding he might as well have some fun in the process, he headed for red-light districts around he capital. First he dropped in at a porno video parlor in Shinjuku, where DVDs (and hand play) can be enjoyed in private viewing rooms (cost: 1,300 yen). His next stop was a peep show, where, again in a private cubicle, he could watch a young nude girl feign her own efforts at, er, weight reduction (admission: 2,000 yen). This was followed by a visit to an “image club,” where the climax of the session included a climax (5,000 yen). After several other workout sessions in Ikebukuro and Ueno, he ended his session at a “roshutsu kurabu” (exposure club) in Shibuya, where, for a layout of 15,000 yen, a young lady joined him in a private cubicle, disrobed, and energetically masturbated herself to orgasm — while he did the same. These efforts during a total of four hours of sexual activities came to 43,800 yen, consumption tax included. Did they help? Slightly. Koyamamyama’s weight declined from 104.2 kilograms to 102.6. His muscle-to-fat ratio improved from 31.2 percent to 31.8; and his overall body fat ratio fell 0.8 percent. ( By Key Chi Guy from www.nippon-sekai.com )